sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
farters have to be the big spoon...
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
