the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
