Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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