I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
