I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
