he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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