I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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