there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
