im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just want nice things and good sex
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
