you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
