I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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