These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
