I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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