I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
