You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
