Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
