So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
