Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My penis needs a shock collar
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
