now i know why i became what i already was.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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