I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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