Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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