I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
