Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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