It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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