fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
