you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
