Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize