I think scott just propositioned me for sex
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
