My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize