I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
only if we run a train.
done.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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