Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize