I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
