PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just pynch a tree in the face
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
