The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
