so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
