I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
