new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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