I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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