didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
