if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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