Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
