Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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