Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
