My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
