my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize