I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
