You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
