I want to walk on stilts...naked
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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