Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
