You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
