hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
