Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
