I wish I only lived at night.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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