If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
try to milk me bitch
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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