You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
