I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
