I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i just google imaged poop.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
