My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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