I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
