Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
