I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
