Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
