Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
