wakey wakey hands off snakey
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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