Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
