every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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