I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
