Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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