I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
