It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
