Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
