so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
