No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
