I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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