STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
