You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
