i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Dicks are not precious.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
