I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
