no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize