can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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