You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
