So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
