If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
