Who wears a wallet chain?!
I understand Curling. That high.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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