She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
