I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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