I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
