look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
