toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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