i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
this beer tastes like vomit already
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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