Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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