I wannas sexs uuuuu
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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