Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
