is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
