I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize