You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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